End of year update: Comic, new books out in 2013, & stuff

On a bit of a hiatus for now. I got sick at the beginning of the month and my grandma passed away during the holidays (a post on that at some point soon), and I’m still pretty much recovering. Nevertheless, time moves forward, so keep me going I drew and wrote.

This is a diagram of how I am with cold viruses.

Sick Crash by Jacqueline Valencia

1. Foggy head. Where everything is mixed up and clear all at once. Depends on your temperature and the amount of medication you’ve taken. At this point, however, anything will set off a case of Foggy head. Lemon and honey. Perfect.

2. Damp messy head. There’s no use fixing it or even caring. Just let the nesting happen and if a bird happens land and lay her eggs, go with it. Your new inhabitants will provide you with warmth while you help with the miracle of birth.

3. Schizophrenic blankets. It’s too hot! It’s too cold! It’s too hot! It’s too cold! OMG IT’S A FORT!

4. There are never enough tissues in the world.

5. Lemon and honey. Medicinal tea. Coffee. Water. Doesn’t matter what was in the cup, it is the unwashed cup you will use over and over again until the plague leaves your system. The result? Lemon vodka coffee.

6. Thermometer. I don’t really use one, but I should because my mom asks me too. Let alone, I’m 39 and have two kids. I just know that if I start seeing horse riding mimes jumping over my bed that maybe, just maybe, I should take my temperature. My face is melting.

7. Plastic bag or garbage bin to throw out the hazard waste. Just don’t dispose of it in the trash. Set it on fire with the rest of your clothes.

8. Everything aches, including your antlers. I swear my eyelashes were burning holes into my eyelids.

9. It is your bed. Your friend that carries you in times of rest and dreams. While your sick, it becomes your home. Or a boat, or a car, or a submarine.

10. Pillow aka the place you hide under before they give you the medicine that makes you make that face you can’t even Instagram the scary. YOU LOOKA LIKE AN AMOEBA. Be an amoeba.

Wait. What?

11. The cavern of unholy things. My throat felt like I had swallowed razor blades. My throat also had the uncanny ability to birth that slimy creature from the end of Starship Troopers. Left me sounding like Kathleen Turner.

Bed head + sexy gravel voice + projectile slime =  SEXPOT

12. I’d cough so hard and phlegm’d so bad that I couldn’t breathe through my nose or my mouth. I got a nasty bronchial infection where I was prescribed puffers (those things make me paranoid about getting thrush). And an attractive case of raw red nose.

13. Flushed and red everywhere, which with my complexion, is quite the feat.

14. Somewhere, in that hair, are the ears. Popping or hearing things wrong. Every episode of Star Trek: NG had me thinking, “Who’s Lieutenant Woof? Who’s that guy? Oh that guy wasn’t there before. An alien has invaded the ship and nobody remembers who they are. Yeah, I like that episode.”

15. Bedside table. It holds your tissues, cup, phone…burn it also. Just don’t look at the alarm clock. It’s depressing.

16. Wall. It kept my head from falling off while coughing. Still ended up with a fun case of whiplash.

17. Either your nails hurt, your hands hurt, or your fingers don’t do the things they normally do well when you’re healthy. Sanitize them or set them on fire with the rest of the detritus.

18. Keep your eyes closed. “I can’t sleep!” Keep your eyes closed. “But Star Trek…” NO! If you watch one episode you have to watch all the seasons until the end. Goodbye cruel world.

Event updates:

1. I’ll  be reading an excerpt from my story, “A Clown and Lobster Are Walking In The Desert,” at People Who Read Aloud: https://www.facebook.com/events/298167023635848/

2. My book, “The Octopus Complex” will be published by Lyrical Myrical Press in March/April 2013. I’m very excited about this project. Some of my favorite poets have put out works on it including Luciano Iacobelli and Rocco de Giacomo.

3. My graphic novel will be coming out around the same time. It is based on my Run Comics illustrations of Charlie and Crash. An accompanying art exhibit for it will be up at Playful Grounds in August 2013.

4. Author Gary Anderson reviewed my book “Maybe” on goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/475331897

5. Another one of my illustrations in Amelia’s Magazine: http://www.ameliasmagazine.com/music/favourite-christmas-indie-tunes-for-2012-listen-to-the-best-here/2012/12/21/

There is much more, but that’s what comes at the top of my head. For now, I wish you all a Happy New Year and happy holidays. May 2013 be a year full of good things.

I started my year off with a circus tent:

20121226_190044The clowns have requested that David Bowie play here soon.


P.S. I’ve been asked to compete in Write Club Toronto in January. This shall prove interesting and terrifying! Awesome. http://writeclubtoronto.com


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