on perusing my manuscript and finding your drawings in the margin
I want you out.
I want to stop dropping to my knees
at the force of the automatic waterfall
whenever I see something of yours
because I live in us still.
I want you out.
I want you to stop inhabiting my words,
haunting my stories, and
my steps through the city.
Stop interfering with my laughter
it diminishes when
I remember I’m alone.
You obscure my sight
my view of a tomorrow
the memory of you
a shadow
stand in the way.
Lingering dark
black dog.
I want you out.
I want you out
of my liver, my skin,
my core, beyond the ribs that
extend when I breathe us out
my own warmth disappears
in the cold air
frozen by the idea of you.
I want to turn to stone to banish you
with the flick of my wrists
or become empty
like a vessel for
something without within.
But no.
I want you out
Out
please
exorcise you with
smudges and blurs
good days and parties
these exclamations
of hope in paint
and words become
powerless sigils
when you’re here.
I am convenience
because my heart still beats
and tries to keep up
with that rhythm when
we first met
while yours thumps wildly
too far away for me to hear
and also to other metres.
I want you out!
But you can’t do anything
and that’s the rub
that by doing nothing
you’re still there.